WEEK 1 UPDATE

Big News Dudes, MRS CAL left me this week - unfortunately she came back! However my quest for the next MRS CAL continues and this week I am now in love with my new best friend who works for the lovely, lovely, kind people at ACUMEN. Her name is CRUELLA DUVALL and she sits next to me at night class and tells me to STFU and never ever speak to her - ever, or she'll call the police. EVIL LEADER tells me not everyone gets a restraining order and that makes me special and I believe him cos he works in a castle. Anyway I think CRUELLA fancies me because she has arranged with the lovely people at ACUMEN to give TEAM BONES some cycling kit just to see me in lycra. That makes me love her even more, so much so, that the next time I take her a choccy bic in class I won't lick it all over first.

I know I am good at chatting up burds up cos PRINCESS saw me in action and said it was like watching her Dad flirt. Anyway PRINCESS says she is her Daddy's special little girl and I thought if I am special and she is special we could be special together but she told me she has a bf who is called SIMONG. I think SIMONG must be fat cos every time PRINCESS mentions his name she says PIELOT. Although no-one has ever ever has seen SIMONG, PRINCESS has gone to LUNDIN with him this weekend to see naked ladies dancing and that makes me feel sick in the mouth.

Anyway, IANYETTOBENAMED has not been well this week: he had an operation to surgically open his wallet and is expected to be fit to ride in 2 weeks. EVIL LEADER managed a couple of rides but cut one short claiming the wind ruined his hair. PRINCESS has done well but after 3 days of cycling tried to tempt me to lunch instead of training. As a result she got beasted but later took revenge by mocking my manly figure in bibshorts. Meanwhile I occupy the righteous high ground cos I've covered 102 miles in 4 days.

However before I dive headfirst into pie, on behalf of TEAM BONES I prostrate myself before the lovely people at ACUMEN in general and CRUELLA DUVALL in particular. Thank you so much for your sponsorship.