OOOH MATRON

Life has a strange way of sorting the wheat from the chaff, the strong from the weak and the cyclists from the trick cyclists. And so it came to pass that, during a small stopover in the Kingdom of Fife, Mother Nature decided to have a quick interfere in the lives of 2 of our team.

Last week, PRINCESS dressed up and went to the Ball expecting, as in all good fairy tales, a happy ending. However as the night wore on she caught a bout of WINE FLU during which she managed to fracture her foot in 3 places. Whilst I have no idea the who, what, why, or when, I do know that some mysterious person left a flowery deposit on her desk shortly after. Bored at home, she has decided to return to work to make my life a misery and have me remind her just how lardy she will become without training. Bless, and then there were three.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and so we should have guessed STROPPY-EVIL-LEADER-BOY was going to be unwell when he started having delusions. These began when he arranged for us to have new kit. BABY-REINS-BOY and I (having discovered our XXXXXXL tops made us look like jelly wrapped in clingfilm) stared aghast in disbelief as the LEADER claimed he has squeezed his small but perfectly formed frame into a L! - Yeah right. Such was the torrent of abuse heaped upon him, he resorted major surgery to avoid riding with us. As at today, medical staff asdise that both him and the wallet he had surgically removed are recovering well. Bless, and then there were two.

So as EVIL LEADER lies in his hospital bed claiming his engorged stomach is due to water and or wind retention (not the nosebags of chocolate the lovely MRS E-L delivers daily) he can surely no longer be known as EVIL LEADER and henceforth is named BUNTERBOY. PRINCESS has a foot in plaster and can still be called PRINCESS because FATASS would be offensive.

The end result is that BUNTERBOY and PRINCESS-NOT-FATASS are uanable to train for months so we will have to postpone the ride for a wee while. On a positive note it gives us more time to train, even more time to raise money and a little more time for me to take the mick. Get well soon guys. Cheery the noo.

OOH BABY BABY

My Mother was a wise woman, not the kind of woman to speak much but the kind to impart pearls of wisdom. When I was little, she said "Calum, you'll always be daft but you'll never be stupid" - and I believed her because she was my Mum; until today! Because after heaving my lardy up and down hill and dale for 4 hours yesterday,(and swearing - very loudly- I wouldn't do it again) I did it again today and agreed to do it again tomorrow. That, in any one's book, crosses the line from "daft" to "stupid"-especially when most of the cycling is done in a torrential downpour.

Riding in the rain can be dangerous, but even more dangerous is not paying attention to EVIL LEADER as he barks orders to miscreant cyclists in general but OOMPAH in particular. OOMPAH rides his bike like he's just had the stabilizers removed; zooming ahead giggling like a kiddie in a sweet shop. He does this so much now that from henceforth he is to be known as BABY-REINS-BOY because,in an effort to restrain him, we will attach baby walker reins to his seat. He seems to like the idea but I think its one step away from being an adult baby, and swapping Lycra for a babygro!

PRINCESS is now PRINCELESS cos SIMONG has decided he prefers his own company to hers. His loss.....if he ever existed! Anyway she has been getting ready to re-enter the dating game by fending off perverts, eating chocolate and watching endless episodes of Sex in the City. Personally I suggest she dyes her hair ginger then everybody would want to step out with her.

EVIL LEADER has splashed out on a new bike. Its shiny and comes with an extra big bike bag with compartments for hair product, straightners and lip gloss - after all being an EVIL LEADER takes effort! So SARACEN (his bike from when he was known as plain on "Bonsey") has been donated to BABY-REINS-BOY who is as likely to buy his own as I am to ask the rest of TEAM BONES to plan a ride around the Alps. Until next time, toodle pip.

Tea and cakes anyone

Well, here are another day another dollar, I bet you are all wondering how all the training is going as time is getting ever closer. Well the main bit of news is Princess (Kat) has finally succumb to Lycra. Yes I hear you say it is about time, one step nearer to Tour De France. Calum is back off his hols and is back into a strict diet and fitness routine, happy days, Iain STILL hasn't bought his own bike and had to give bikey (calums main bike) back, so evil leader must be losing it as I have now Lent him my Saracen. I can hear you thinking, hold on a minute, if evil leader has given Iain his bike, what is evil leader riding. Well my friends, I will tell you, I have purchased a new Giant Defy 4 from Spokes in St Andrews. No it doesn't have stabilizers but yes it does have a bell ting ting (that is meant to be the sound of the bell), so evil leader is very happy.
On the training front, have been out a couple of times this week, Princess went out with Calum and is telling everyone that she whooped his arse, Calum said he let her as he felt sorry for her ha ha ha. Evil took Princess for a ride to St Andrews where he plied her with hot chocolate. Calum is very jealous ha ha ha . Iain has had yet another puncture on somebody elses bike. That is twice in 2 months. He may finally get the message that he needs his own bike (hint hint).
Anyway sponsors are flooding in, a massive thanks to Myrtle Coffee who are purchasing our second cycling strip, their logo will appear shortly, Ceres Butcher in Leuchars gave the charity £60.00 so many thanks to him and you kind people keep on donating online. Well blogsters, thats it until next time, as my father used to say me "you can fool some of the people some of the time but only some of the people most of the time, and then he said that maybe you can fool most of the people some of the time but some of the people most of the time, and I said " dad shut up"..........later folks. Evil leader