Dearest Blog Chums,
I write to you with increasing fear that this blog may be my last. Having been the victim of physical and mental abuse for errrr my last blog not being abusive enough, I shall endeavour to rectify the situation by venting vitriol and vileness in the vain hope I leave no-one less abused than a. n. other.
The concept of TEAM BONES was created by BUNTERBOY, formerly known as EVIL LEADER, formerly known as BONSEY. When I say "created" I actually meant stolen... from me....because BUNTER-EVIL-LEADER-BOY never had an original thought in his life. The team actually was to be named "TEAM WE LOVE BONESY COS HE IS FAB INNIT" until I suggested "TEAM BONES" was slightly more acceptable to us less egotistical mortals. Idea plagiarized, and ego stoked, EVIL LEADER emerged: a kind of camp DR EVIL if you like. Now it is a little known fact that EVIL LEADER is an anagram of VILE DEALER, the sort of scum one would expect to see on JERRY SPRINGER. While it's not my place to suggest that EVIL LEADER would be an ideal guest on JERREEEEE, JEREEEEE….but having been seen in the same clothes (yeah take that FATFACE boy) for several weeks now, the general public can no longer tolerate the excuse of swollen wound/on going infection as a cover for his slovenly personal hygiene. He is trailer park trash, an original toothless wonder whom, if he had another brain cell, would need watering. Nuff said. Oh get well soon, kissy kiss.
And to PRINCESS (anagram of WINO BIRD), a classy chick who at least takes her flagon of Rose wine out of the brown paper bag before slurping it down. Claiming to be on leave, I believe she has fled the country having broken the record for most wine bottles delivered to the Recycling Bin in one go. She is currently off to Champagne to hang out with a better class of wino, and gulp electric soup by the Magnum. Still single and increasingly desperate, she has taken to abusing herself with a needle. Now far be it from me to let the truth get in the way of a good story, it would, nonetheless, be remiss of me not to mention the needle is for knitting and generally used to scratch down her plastered leg, but needle abuse it is nonetheless. You heard here first!
Lastly and certainly least, BABY-REINS-BOY (Anagram BE YOB BRAINS). Still in denial that he shares a home with a GWAR, he now claims to be involved in Property Management and Development. Not that I want to rain on his parade, but if you want your drive tarmacked then BABY is your BOY but don't pee him off because remember "No one puts BABY in a corner!". Empire building, and nude bathing aside, BABY-REINS-BOY is still resisting the lure of Lycra and sporting a pair of shorts which make him look like a deranged Boy Scout Leader: talking of which, there is undoubtedly no truth in the rumour that he plans to open a sweet shop outside Leuchars Primary.
So there you have it. Oh and the truth...hmmm, Bonesy is itching to get training, Kat is itching but training, Ian is training, and my itch is another story for another day.
Tatty Bye the noo.
I write to you with increasing fear that this blog may be my last. Having been the victim of physical and mental abuse for errrr my last blog not being abusive enough, I shall endeavour to rectify the situation by venting vitriol and vileness in the vain hope I leave no-one less abused than a. n. other.
The concept of TEAM BONES was created by BUNTERBOY, formerly known as EVIL LEADER, formerly known as BONSEY. When I say "created" I actually meant stolen... from me....because BUNTER-EVIL-LEADER-BOY never had an original thought in his life. The team actually was to be named "TEAM WE LOVE BONESY COS HE IS FAB INNIT" until I suggested "TEAM BONES" was slightly more acceptable to us less egotistical mortals. Idea plagiarized, and ego stoked, EVIL LEADER emerged: a kind of camp DR EVIL if you like. Now it is a little known fact that EVIL LEADER is an anagram of VILE DEALER, the sort of scum one would expect to see on JERRY SPRINGER. While it's not my place to suggest that EVIL LEADER would be an ideal guest on JERREEEEE, JEREEEEE….but having been seen in the same clothes (yeah take that FATFACE boy) for several weeks now, the general public can no longer tolerate the excuse of swollen wound/on going infection as a cover for his slovenly personal hygiene. He is trailer park trash, an original toothless wonder whom, if he had another brain cell, would need watering. Nuff said. Oh get well soon, kissy kiss.
And to PRINCESS (anagram of WINO BIRD), a classy chick who at least takes her flagon of Rose wine out of the brown paper bag before slurping it down. Claiming to be on leave, I believe she has fled the country having broken the record for most wine bottles delivered to the Recycling Bin in one go. She is currently off to Champagne to hang out with a better class of wino, and gulp electric soup by the Magnum. Still single and increasingly desperate, she has taken to abusing herself with a needle. Now far be it from me to let the truth get in the way of a good story, it would, nonetheless, be remiss of me not to mention the needle is for knitting and generally used to scratch down her plastered leg, but needle abuse it is nonetheless. You heard here first!
Lastly and certainly least, BABY-REINS-BOY (Anagram BE YOB BRAINS). Still in denial that he shares a home with a GWAR, he now claims to be involved in Property Management and Development. Not that I want to rain on his parade, but if you want your drive tarmacked then BABY is your BOY but don't pee him off because remember "No one puts BABY in a corner!". Empire building, and nude bathing aside, BABY-REINS-BOY is still resisting the lure of Lycra and sporting a pair of shorts which make him look like a deranged Boy Scout Leader: talking of which, there is undoubtedly no truth in the rumour that he plans to open a sweet shop outside Leuchars Primary.
So there you have it. Oh and the truth...hmmm, Bonesy is itching to get training, Kat is itching but training, Ian is training, and my itch is another story for another day.
Tatty Bye the noo.
